I was born and raised in a small suburb in Los Angeles County. As a baby and a young child, I was never particularly overweight. Being Chinese American, it isn't very acceptable to be remotely thick or chubby in any way. My mother and grandmother never had any qualms about pointing it out to me how fat I'd become. When we'd go out as a family to have dimsum, ladies would stop by the table to say hello to my parents as my family knew lots of people--and often those ladies had a nasty comment to say.
They say things like, "Oh, your daughters must eat well," "How old are they? They look so big," in Chinese. I guess they had no idea that I could understand them. At first I was very hurt, and it even made me cry when we'd get home. Over the years, I learned to speak up, "It's a shame I can't be a slim and trim as you," I'd tell them back in Chinese. They were very surprised that I understood what they said, but that never stopped from making comments.
Fast forward to high school. My parents were rather strict on rites of passage that many teen girls go through with--wearing makeup, shaving legs, etc. So high school, I was chubby, fresh faced and fuzzy for a good part of it. One day I decided I didn't want to be fuzzy anymore so I used one of the disposable razors from my dad's supply and took matters into my own hands. I was still chubby and fresh faced but at least I wasn't fuzzy any longer. High school was such a rough time. The actual things related to education wasn't so bad, but I just always felt so ugly, fat and generally unattractive because I hadn't dated at all in high school. When I graduated I weighed in at 155 pounds, I am 5'4".
Through a few jobs and many years passing, I gained 20 pounds--the gain was gradual. By 2008, I was 175, and within the next 5 years, I weighed 193 at my heaviest. Every year for my New Year's resolutions I had the thoughts to get in the gym and get thinner. Lose weight, but I would never last long. I'd lose a couple pounds and it'll stay at that weight for while so naturally I gave up because I wasn't seeing the results.
193 was the starting point of my fitness journey. very late December 2012. I hadn't really planned on it--I always thought about doing something about it. I was heavy, round and relatively uncomfortable in my own skin. But I was afraid to begin. Because I knew I wouldn't succeed, that is the main reason why I didn't really ever give a new healthy lifestyle a full commitment. A friend called me and asked if I wanted to go to the gym with her on January 2, 2013, which was a few days awhile. The friend had been on a fitness journey of her own. She once weighed in at 224, she is 5'1". The lightest she had ever been was 145 but she goes back and forth depending on how much effort she puts into getting into shape. I told her that I would check out the gym and see if it was for me.
January 2 came and we went to the gym. A trainer showed me around and discussed my options with personal training, and how I need to incorporate my cardio and healthy diet with strength training. It wasn't anything I didn't already know. I think mostly every overweight person has seen him/herself in the mirror, scrutinized every fold, roll, dimple and stretch mark. I have read about so many diets, so many exercises and otherwise, a method to "get thin." After my consultation, I wasn't really convinced, but I joined because I saw it as a way to spend time with my friend whom I hardly ever get to see because she's busy gal, and so am I.
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